Sundays are always so chilled. It’s the day I chill and just lounge around the house. Binge watching tv. A real family kind of day. Sadly the most important boy in my life cant spend Sundays with me. The Lego Movie is curently playing in the background. Yep, Raj would have been watching this. Giggling away at the funny bits. He had the cutest giggle. His laugh and smile was infectcious. Its the thing everyone says about him. He was always smiling.
So September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. I was really happy to see my family and friends share lots of my posts and acknowledge the month. There were alot who didnt though.It does confuse me as someone famous dies and people go mad posting RIP etc etc. Such a great actor/ singer but people struggle to share posts about awareness. I know it’s a sad subject but I was once a normal mum. My son didnt have cancer. Young children are dying every day. We need to make a difference now. 😔
This week has been one of mixed emotions. I have been kept busy with work mostly. I have had some low points during the week too though. I do however feel connected to Raj. I’m not quite sure how to explain that and I’m sure some people may choose not to believe that is still possible. I respect those people still as we all have differing beliefs and I suppose thats what makes all so diverse and interesting. I can feel when Raj is around me. I feel he is here as Im writing this post. Its also very obvious to me when he is not ‘here’. This week I feel like I got 2 really clear messages from Raj. I went to the Gudwara (temple) this week and I was sat thinking about Raj. I got a strange feeling he wanted me to do somethibg for him. It was giving someone a gift. I chose to fulfill that wish. It made me feel good like I had done something my baby wanted. The other strange thing that happned to me was less of a feeling but something I was shown. I went to go run on my treadmill and took a picture (to post as you do 🙄). Something appeared in that pic that was not there…..clouds 🤔. The picture was taken on Snapchat app and the app has lots of filters but this one did not exist. I tried to re-create it and asked others to check but no one could get any such clouds to appear. Soon as I saw the pic I thought of Raj. It bought me a warm feeling. Like…”I’m ok mum”. 😊 Again some will think i’m stupid whilst others will take it as I did. For me…its a sign.
I was umming and aaahhhing in my last post about this and I’m pretty sure I will now be doing this. I am going to write a book. I’m not sure what direction it will take so while I take some time to think about the content I will pause on my blog posts. I am excited and ready to let my creative side come through (well I hope it does)! Thank you to all those who have read the blog so far. Once I know what it is the heck I am doing I will let you all know!
Much love as always,
Suki aka Raj’s mum 😊💞