I don’t write consistently in terms of frequency. I just write as and when my soul feels the needs to spill what is going on inside. I am writing this post sat by the Amstel River in Amsterdam with coffee in hand. I was taking a moment to reflect and just think about life. Raj……everyday his face lights up my life. Nothing can make me smile more than thinking about the fun and jokey relationship we had. Then at end of these moments, the deep sinking feeling kicks in. Warm moments of love, coupled with complete dread and pain. That is what I have grown to accept. Sadly, that is my reality.

What I love this morning is my timeline on facebook being flooded by Go Gold pictures. September is childhood cancer awareness month and the theme is to Go Gold. Gold ribbons are attributed to childhood cancer. You may think why do we need to raise awareness of childhood cancer? We know it exists, right?

Here is why, 1 in 5 children going through cancer treatment wont make it through 5 years. Raj did. He is seen as a successful cancer patient….but he still died. He made it to 6 years post diagnosis. I am grateful but it’s still not good enough.

12 children a day are diagnosed with cancer. These 12 children are going to be treated with drugs that were made for adults! Their small bodies will have to endure the side effects that are difficult even for grown people to handle. In the last 30-40 years only 3 drugs have been developed to be used specifically on children.

You may see so many campaigns out there. Cancer research use children in approximately 40% or their campaigns yet put only 2% of funds into childhood cancer research. I have had my fund set up for Raj for a number of years now. Raj’s fund now only goes into research for childhood brain tumours. Be aware of where your money goes.

I know statistics are sometimes just numbers…but if you look around you will notice the reality. Before Raj was diagnosed one of my friends nephews died of a brain tumour. He was 5. He collapsed and following emergency surgery he never woke up again. Crazily, Raj’s surgeon was the same man who did his surgery. Another friends niece died of a brain tumour also before Raj. I knew childhood cancer before I was in the midst of it myself.

Raj’s battle with this is over. I can choose to move away from this world….but I will not. I will always be an oncology mum. I will always know the pain of being told your child has cancer. I will always know the dread of holding your child down so they can be pricked with needles. I will always know the fear of allowing doctors to pump toxic drugs into your child. I will always know how your soul feels like it is being suffocated when you get told your child is going to die. I will always know what it felt like to hear my son gasp for his last breaths. I also know for the mum and dad of the 12 children who will hear today their child has cancer, I will be by their side. I will continue to fight for you and your children.

I am choosing to be a voice for children with cancer. For those here and those who we shall meet again someday. Please help show your support. Change your pics…share our posts and be a voice with me. πŸ’›

P.S Mummy loves you monkey β˜ΊοΈπŸ’š